Doubt

Why is it that we, or at least myself, allow doubt to creep in my mind? I know that it is Satan, working ever so hard, trying to gain a stronghold anywhere possible.

I find myself lately, well, to be honest, I probably always have, doubting myself, especially in regards to Ethan. It just so happens right now the topic that I worry over is homeschooling.

Am I doing enough?
Did I pick the right curriculum?
Am I preparing him properly?
Should we be doing more math?
More reading?
What about spelling words?
Am I crippling him?

I hear other mothers, friends and family, talk about what their 6 year old is doing in school, some even at homeschool, and that's when the doubt creeps in. So far I've been pretty good at killing those thoughts, returning to my philosophy of education, but I can't help but feel those flutters creep back in at a moments notice.

I really do know in my heart that it will all be fine, he is not heading off to Harvard next week, or even ever for that matter. And quite the contrary, I even doubt the need or success to even be craming such large amounts of information in our children at such a young age. I mean, what happen to days gone by? It seems like we are getting more and more competitive in school, our kids are getting more and more stressed, but as a whole, we are doing worse and worse as a country? When I went to school I went half day in Kindergarden, only learned my letter people, didn't even start any phonics program until 1st grade, and it wasn't even until 3rd grade that homework (and a very small amount) was introduced. Now we've got Kindergardeners challenged to read quite lengthy books, spelling tests and unnecessary homework. In the end, I had a child on my hands that came home daily complaining of stomach aches, longing to not return to school.

Right now we ARE learning, at a comfortable pace. We are doing math and reading daily. We are learning scripture, bible stories, science, history, and art. Is he having to memorize 20 spelling words per week? No.

The one half of my brain freaks out thinking I should be challenging him more with this type stuff...but then the logical side of my brain says "why cram foreign words down his throat, as soon as he learns the special sound rules doing his phonics it will be that much easier for him to actually grasp the concept of these words and be able to spell them without much effort." Of course, this seems logical, then why do I let doubt creep in?

Then on the complete opposite side of the coin, I read a GREAT book by The Moore Family, they are HUGE proponents of not even formally starting school for any child, especially boys, until 11-12 years old!!! REally??!! Everything they said made complete and utter sense. Even the research showing that delaying education benefits the whole child and that in only a matter of months the child will be able to catch up, if not exceed, his peers whom started formal schooling at the normal age of 5!

Anyways, I know alot of this is just ramblings, and I KNOW that many mothers, homeschoolers or not, worry about their children, whether what you are doing is enough, good enough. I just want what's best for my boys. We've been thru so much with Ethan, and the results of his stroke are still being revealed to us...I've always been a bit of a worrier over him especially. I often over-analyze, stress, worry, making sure I'm not missing the boat on anything with him. Often times my worry is for not, but it doesn't change the fact that I do.

I know my God is an awesome God and I know he has GREAT plans for Ethan and that he WILL equip me in whatever way Ethan needs.

For I know the plans I have for you. Declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11